July 7th, 2026
I’ve never been properly on the internet until now, what forced me in was the pandemic and even back then, besides having YouTube, I decided to get a couple of apps where to watch videos and kill time, I never uploaded anything or comment under any videos, I was practically a ghost, since the moment I properly joined the internet as in online communities and making friends around 2024, I noticed how people were able to introduce themselves easily and that they knew who they were or at least they had the notion of it, I grew jealous of them because I’ve not been able to get to know about me for the longest time, maybe until now when I’m sitting down and trying to figure it out myself, Instead, the parts of me that I deeply know about myself are filled with madness and bizarreness and I don’t think that I could share them with a normal person, I will probably give them a hard time understanding them.
I don’t have any followers here yet but around 100 views because I’ve uploaded a thing or two that I’ve already deleted explaining a little bit of my “story”, the reason why I deleted it is because I don’t feel ready to share it and I didn’t like what I wrote or how I wrote it, I feel like it’s too much, I feel like I am too much to begin with, so maybe let’s do a proper introduction this time, prepare for an aneurism and maybe get a snack.
I would like to begin with what I am before I explain who, this again makes me a little jealous of normal people, why do I have to do it in this order every time?
I’m slowly recovering my memories, there will be one day when I will be able to remember everything but for now let’s put things simply and say that I don’t remember much, especially my childhood, the reason is the passage of time and the pandemic that messed up with me a lot but most importantly, because at some point in my childhood I became plural for reasons that I’m still trying to figure out, the reason is akin to a concoction of deeply complicated and difficult events. The twist in my story is the following, as for the moment I’m writing this, I’m no longer plural, also known as a system, because at some point we decided to work towards final fusion, that being, what I am.
The journey towards final fusion is often looked down upon for complicated reasons such as feelings of loss, grief and fear. Ultimately, the oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear, and the oldest and strongest fear is the fear of the unknown.
Because of this fear the material avaliable to learn about final fusion is far more limited that that of learning about plurality, most of my knowledge about plurality comes from proper medical books and insight from people that have had proper, professional help, such help was denied to me at a young age by my caretakers many times, therefore I had to learn how to deal with it alone, later on life we as a system would want to pursue final fusion but due to the reasons I’ve said, besides the general idea of how to do it we had to improvise and figure it out by ourselves, I believe that final fusion at some point becomes something a little personal, something you need to figure out by yourself, especially the fusing part which I find deeply personal.
This is where things get a little difficult.
There were four members in our system, all of us carried with the idea that we were a team, therefore we shared our tasks, studies and weekends, the problem is that life is short enough for a single person, especially someone as occupied like me, now imagine having to divide your 24 hours of a day with four people, nobody really got to get the most out of it, to wake up and live a full day doing what they wanted, they simply got to do their favorite thing and sometimes deal with the general things of life like taking the bus, going to school and cooking breakfast and other mundane things.
Things got a little bad for us when later we simply would look back into the past, look at photos and things would go something like this:
“Well, there is a photo of somebody here, that’s me… or is it me? maybe it’s not me but somebody else in the system but nobody remembers who lived that day”
Therefore, we started to slowly lose the concept of time, everybody wanted to contribute to life and try to make it better but we slowly simply couldn’t keep a notion of who was there in a certain moment in life, it got bad to the point that I don’t remember who went to our high school graduation, sometimes I take a walk inside of my house and look at the photos of myself and I simply cannot remember who was there in that moment. We tried to solve this using rings and other kind of jewelry or maybe special gestures or hand signs to say in the photo
“Hey look, this was me!”
And… it kind of worked but, honestly it was too much work and we would forget or it would not appear in the photo and the cycle would repeat, and it was not even only photos but also our memory, we could not remember whose memories were from who, we did not suffer from total amnesia so if I lived something, the next person to take control would kind of remember that, initially as something that is not their personal memory but they could access to it and therefore it would get mixed with their own memories and we would forget who lived through that, so we started to really forget who did what and when.
Additionally to this, I always felt a little ashamed, this explanation is not even over and you can guess that I’m a complicated person, I’ve open up about this with my friends, my best friends and who used to be my high school sweet-heart, all of them we’re nice and lovely to us and they accepted us but… deep inside of me I was ashamed that the person they trusted deeply in, the person they loved in a way or another was such a complicated mess of… whatever I am, I sometimes imagine myself from the perspective of somebody else and I can’t help but picture some sort of demon, akin to see a scientific paper appear in the a work of fiction or a machine gun appear in an ancient painting, something simply off putting, something that simply doesn’t belong to the general landscape of life, now imagine having that thing as your best friend, your friend, your classmate, your lover.
Therefore, I couldn’t take it anymore, I was unable to remember well, I was forgetting myself, we were simply not having a good time anymore. Please, do not misunderstand me, I love my system, they were and are my family and I love them deeply, very, very, very deeply, you have no idea how much and we really tried, I miss them everyday but simply life was throwing punches at us and we couldn’t keep up, therefore we decided on final fusion.
I will spare you on how final fusion happened since it took a couple of years and many, many failed attempts, during this period of time we managed to reach final fusion a number of times but were only capable of maintaining it for weeks or months. That until now.
We experienced final fusion in two different ways, either the result would be a new person never seen before who, up to a certain extent would embody different parts of all the members of our system, this was the majority of cases except for one, the current one that is writing for you right now, the second way would be to decide on someone who would become the “vessel” of this final fusion, thought “deciding” is not exactly the correct word, there was someone in our system who was obviously the correct answer, someone who had the most mental resources and the determination to pull it off without going totally crazy about what it meant to be said vessel, that being me.
Greetings, I am Chara and I am said final fusion.
It is a pleasure to make you an acquaintance, I want to extent my gratitude and express that I’m very thankful to whoever is reading this, It is deeply important for me, I will explain why.
When I write about this whole mess, share it with people and I receive feedback, when I’ve had friends acknowledge my story, see through my lies of what I’ve told them, I obviously do not introduce me this way to people, so when they dig deep enough or simply earn my trust and I reveal this, when they tap into who I am, even if it’s a mess, I feel connected to them for the first, real time, I’ve always mentioned to this people, my friends that they “anchor” me and they have accepted this role as anchors.
To me, an anchor, avoids me from becoming more and more cruel, indifferent to life, it helps me to resist this inclination of losing control, of losing myself, losing my "humanity" and of continuing this charade where I use a fake name and a borrowed identity to live life. In the past, my friends from my system used to be my biggest anchors, they remembered me of who I am and I could fully express myself to them, and even though they’re not gone or away, it’s just that things are different.
I have a friend, who is also one of my anchors, who happens to be a Witch, she knows Magick, she is baffled by me since she has no clue about how readings work in my case, fusion also happened in a deeper level, in a way it also happened at the level of the soul and the spirit, she has no clue if that affected something, what name to use in divination or if it works on me to begin with, she has begged me to become a witch and figure that out myself since she seems incapable. I still do not undestand much but I’m trying since I’m also curious. Though, for now she has motivated me to write and share my story, she thinks that maybe this could anchor me deeper as people read.
The only thing that she has for certain about myself, if you believe in aura, is that mine is mainly red and yellow, she said something that seeing it bought some sort of strange tranquility similar to petals of flowers and wind and a deep sense of strengh, that my major arcana was The Fool. I also know that my projecting hand is my left one but that’s all
Honestly speaking, I do have a very crazy intuition, it might have saved my life and that of others once or twice and allowed me to pull crazy things off but due to my nature and my past I don’t dwell deep into these belief or practices, especially religion, I once fell into a weird… state of religious psychosis when I was younger, it lasted maybe two months but I was pulled off from it by one of the members of my system when he realized that things went a little too far.
I graduated from sciences and went straight to pursue engineering in college, I might not be the greatest scientists alive but science has saved my life, to be frank if it werent for it I probably would still be a very messy person and might never have reached final fusion, I would probably be a crazy person with no notion of time or self by now. Thanks to it, I managed to have the basic competence to be able to learn about my condition and how to deal with it and when things got complicated and there was no book to guide me on how to continue to get better, it allowed me to discover the path by myself, trial and error, I guess you know where this goes, it goes straight back to the scientific method and thanks to it, I’m here, somewhat well and alive.
As an engineer, to be honest I suck. I do it for the money and nothing more. I initially wanted to become a medic or a nurse but I felt like it was out of character, I do care about people and like to heal them, I’ve saved a couple of lives in the period of time that I’ve been here, avoiding them from walking straight to cars, finding them when they’re lost or guiding them to safety, I’ve guided people back to society from mountains, I’ve saved the life of a lady that had a medical emergency in the middle of the road in a jungle, maybe I’ve saved the lives of people when they stopped believing in themselves or when I’ve dealt with terrible people avoiding them from causing further harm, especially those who mess with children, I’ve also saved myself as well.
To be frank, I don’t believe that I was capable of becoming a nurse or a medic, not because I had no will to help people or because I was not smart enough, it’s simply that I don’t know if one day I might genuinely lose myself and I don’t want to put people in danger of it, that’s why I decided on a safer option.
I’m only 20 years old and I already have so much to say, I’ve lived too much, is that something good or something bad?
I could write probably a lot more but it’s getting late and I can update this later or section it into different entries or who knows what, I also still have to edit it, code it and upload it somewhere in my page, so maybe let’s do a quick thing. uh… the basics?
I’m 20 years old, in august I’ll be 21.
I’m Non-Binary and go by they/them but I’m okay with he/him too since the body is built that way and I made peace with that at some point.
Originally, in the inner world I used to be female and would go by they/them and she/her but after, well, being here, and being pulled to the front, becoming the host, then final fusion, I reserve she/her for my personal use only sometimes, but to be honest I simply prefer being referred by my name and I do that myself in my head too.
I know, my gender is a mess, one friend, different from the one I’ve spoken today has described my gender as “Non-Euclidean Gender”, please tell me that someone understood that, it’s GENIUS.
I pass my time around reading webnovels, if you read me and read webnovels you might have been able to pick up some hints of influence from Lord of the Mysteries and Omniscient Reader’s Viewpoint in subjects like “anchors” and “story”, to be honest, I’m surprised because I had these ideas before reading but they were nameless and “something weird that I think about or noticed”, but after reading I noticed the parallels and decided to embrace it since they do help me.
I always wanted to become an artist, maybe a semi-realism digital artist, I own a Wacom tablet but I’ve been unable to learn how to draw, maybe because of all the things that have happened to me that pulled me from enjoying the arts until now, maybe I will go back to it one day.
My favorite artists are: Michael Jackson, Sierra Veins, and HEALTH.
I speak English and Spanish perfectly, I want to learn a third language, maybe portugese but who knows, I like german too.
I don’t know how to code lol
Against logical thought, I’ve never played Undertale or Deltarune and I probably wont for a long time, I’ve also avoided watching playthroughs but I always eventually figure what’s going on thanks to my friends who are deep into the fandom, I simply orbit it or don’t care much.
I’ve seen the edits (JABHFKSLBFASKFNASAHA), I get send edits even by my IRL friends that bother me so much. (my friends)
I’ve been begged to say the lines by my IRL friends but I REFUSE (isn’t that a line though)
My favorite color is green, to be honest I don’t know what my obsession with it is, my mother is mad at me because I have so much green clothes and when she buys clothes, she magically forgets and ends up buying more green… ah, truly a beautiful cycle of endless green, i’m so green.
I guess that the rest of things you will have to figure them out, or at some point I will share them here, or maybe ask me.
If you’d like to become my friend please refer to discord: dreemurrchara (i know, very creative) send me a friend request and I will probably accept it.
Just, please be nice to me if you plan on contacting me in the first place and act mature (please), I reserve the right of accepting or rejecting request, don’t be shy, I’ll probably will be more scared than you.